Whoa there tiger??!!!

Hey there friends, thanks for stopping by to listen again. It's Saturday morning and I just finished a bowl of Peanut Butter Puffins cereal which always delights me, if you haven't had this you must, it will change you. (Ahhhhh the simple things....) As has been in the last weeks of wretchedness this past week was nothing shy of what I have come to expect, though without the constipation. WOOOOOOOFUCKINHAAAAAA! I got my Oncologist who has a keen demeanor and resemblance to Bill Murray to write me a prescription for Marinol which is THC in pill form. This was a saving grace when staring into the eyes of three days of creaking, piercing joint aches and an unexplainably maddening state of mind where there is so much indecision, built up anxiety and fatigue simultaneously in my body that the only thing I can think of to do is throw the damn couch through the front window. It feels like the worst hangover you've ever had in your life coupled with feelings of having eighty cups of coffee along with enough indecision and lack of enthusiasm to make a mentally ill person feel ill. The Marinol at least gives me a little distraction from the harshness and offers up any sort of different feeling other than what the chemo gives me. On a side note.....We went to see the Fabulous Mr. Fox the other night and it was absolutely entertaining, adventurous and so ambitiously creative I left the theatre utterly glowing even in the thick of feeling terrible. Go check it out, it's really fun! I started to crawl out of the hole Thursday as I usually do, fumbling to get my natural human feelings back and get enough energy to make it further than the couch to fridge journey which is usually the extent of my venturings for the most part of the week. Matter a fact yesterday I went to the Mountain with my mom and rode my snow sliding board for a couple hours, nine runs to be exact. This being the utmost apex of my human existence in the last four months I had smiles from ear to ear the entire time, shoulda put sunblock on my teeth...... The old legs definitely weren't ready for the whole balance strength and control routine for sure, I felt at times like I was eight years old again on one of my first days on the hill. My arms flailing to regain balance as to avoid catching an edge and my legs jarring unknowingly trying to comprehend just what the their assignment exactly was for the day. On the third run skidding down the mountain I lost control a little bit blasting mach 10 on my heel edge beaming straight toward my mom who had cut across and halted to see how I was progressing down the slightly bumping an maybe a bit too icy slope. Her regards as to what my facial expression looked like as I narrowly missed her and regained some sort of control were that of sheer panic and anticipation of impending doom as she laughed and asked if I was ok. As I neared the bottom of the hill on the same run I had again reached about mach 10 this time feeling in control though as I laid down a huge toe side carve with some hand drag which usually comes very comfortable and confidant to me but apparently not so much for my back leg as it decided it was not powerful enough to support that much carvetude and buckled, sending me into a pitching heelside edge catch to ass side impact followed by back snapping neck whiplash as my head bounced off the hard pack and my beanie and goggles went their own ways flying through the air. Sprawled out like road kill I laid there slightly hurt and a bit panicked, I felt nostalgic and somewhat comical as I don't think I had caught a heel edge like that since those now strikingly familiar first days of trying to learn how to ride one of these crazy snowsliders. I picked haggard myself up and proceeded to enjoy the rest of day on the hill with a slight neck crink and some incling to maybe take it a little easier there cancer boy. So here I am today at home plunking the keys once again with a sore ass neck and a whole lot of stoke in the air. I'm having fun here and there and the days that aren't completely fucking terrifyingly miserable are positively zen. Hope you all are having great days and have great holidays as well. Thanks for listening. Stick.

My nurse says to me,"People don't die from cancer they die from chemotherapy."

Wooooooooweeeeee!!!!!! Hot damn I been through some strange shit this past week. As I have spoke of before the constipation issues are harsh and they are still definitely plagueing me with plug. My last dose went as planned though I needed two doses of Nuepogen which is a chemical that stimulates white blood cell growth. My white blood cell count was 100 after my last treatment compared to that of any normal count which is around 4500. With counts this low my chances of catching a cold are like the chances of hitting traffic on the 5 on Friday afternoon. This has me made one of those weirdo OCD people who carries hand sanitizer around in their pocket and doesn't shake peoples hands. Yesterday I was having lunch in public and using a napkin to hold the ketchup bottle and I caught these people looking at me all strange half rolling their eyes. Got some gnarly joint aches this time around which were basically putting me on the bench, coupled with gastronomical stomach pain and flooring fatigue I was basically a sack of bones for the last week or so. I didn't sleep for three nights straight cause my stomach was bloated to the point of having a front butt, found myself walking around the neighborhoods at four in the morning to try to find some catharsis for my cringing carcass. It's kind of weirdly cool having no sleep schedule and nothing to be on time for, I find myself in really odd circumstances. With all the shatner that came along with this last dose and all that didn't.......hehehe.... I'm finally back producing some results in the lavatory after taking crack fiend doses of mirlax, milk of magnesia, senna, prune juice and coffee all simultaneously trying to get the party started. Been back on the high energy tip the past two days and on my bike again, even went and skated asswell which always gives me some groundation. So here I am sitting in this way too fucking familiar living room in my sedimentary position on the sofa plunking away on the keys again as the snow flurries are bustling in the sky out the front window and the furnace fights the ongoing fight against the twenty degree temps outside. I miss you guys so much, I miss..... I miss.....I miss....This thing is a third of the way through at this point and I will win and I will figure out how to control these side effects. I will be on the road again and be visiting all I so dearly cherish so very soon. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm scared and I'm fucking winning this fight. Love You all, thanks for listening. Stick