the truths of the matter......

It's wednesday now a week after my second dose of (life), as I'm now calling it in my quest to be positive about this fiasco. It's hard to see the positive attributes to these gnarly meds sometimes when I'm cramping and constipated or I have nill motivation to do much else than stare at the idiot box all day. But...I have also been put in check a couple times by some dear ol' friends that the reality of the matter is that I'm saving my own life by letting the nurses pump me full of this wretched concoction of drug. I have yet to lose my yellow mop from my head which is encouraging though I'm pretty confident one of the days it's going to shed in one foul swoop. I'm able to make a couple of ill researched assumptions about how I'm going to feel during these courses of medication. The day of treatment (thursday) and the day after I'm usually pretty cracked out and almost hyper from the steroids they give me and then come friday night i'm like a kid on ridelin all cross eyed and staring off at the wall. The weekend serves me up real nice with some exhaustion and kind of just like brain sedation, nothing really to say and waves of complete indecision. This kind of seems like it will burden me for about the first week as it did the first round. So like I said it's wednesday now and I'm starting to feel a little more focused and defined with some energy building. Hopefully things will unfold like last week and by the weekend I'll be joyously moving my carcass about. Everything in my body seems to ache and malfunction in perfect synchronicity making me feel like i'm turning into an old man or developing some gnarly arthritis all of the sudden,although I have a feeling I'm lacking real doses of vitamin D from being house bound for so many days on end. It's frightening sometimes wondering if everything will go back to normal and I'll feel like normal ol' stick once again, at times it seems unimaginable I'll tell you what. Rode my bike downtown yesterday and passed a blind lady staggering her way down the sidewalk meticulously navigating herself to her destination with all the intent and motivation in the world. "Damn!" I thought. I could have lost my eyes in some freak accident, I could have come down with some crazy bone disease and be forced into an amputation, or have been paralized or........I pedaled along with growing acceptance and gratitude for my own situation. The realizations I have almost daily about life really give me such a new take on where I'm headed and what the reason be on this sometimes unjust, unpredictable and beutifully cruel adventure of living. Call someone and tell them you love them. There is no reason why you or them couldn't just be gone tomorrow. Thanks for checking in. Stick.