I'm High.........

The road is long and I've been on it for quite awhile now, but i've got the directions to make the right turns and get to where I need to be. Exactly where the rest of you are, a place of well being.

Me and this thing these days are on a whole new trip, what I would do without it I can't begin. It's been there since I can remember and what it does for me now, well it saves me. Think I love skateboarding more than I ever did, funny cause it hurts more, I suck at it now, it's too cold here, and I'm pretty much my only friend when it comes to going to ride one. I step on it now and I transport to my own secret world of innocence, well being, and youthful satisfaction.

Well good day to you! It's SuperBalls Sunday and I just awoke from a thirteen hour substance induced sleepscapade. My dreams lately are so damn sick; comic book end of the world sagas, inflatable mat surfing mind benders, skateboard epics with iconic characters, snowsliding adventures with ollies from one mountain to the next. All of them having the oddly magical purpose of recharging my life and gifting my imagintation. It's a real gas living in this pseudo reality for the first couple days of these treatments, sometimes I have to remind myself about why it is I find myself on a bendy, half comatose magic carpet ride fueled by sweet little cookie monsters and those little white pills that come in the small ambiguous orange jar. Ahhhhhh..... yes, I must stay away from the dark side of the tweaky chemo zone. Typically I fancy a clear headed mind state in my (Real Life).... Notice how my pre-cancer existence is my (Real Life) and this melting swirl of soupy cognition I live and operate in now is something completely and ridiculously more complicated, though possibly more important. This thing here now, this state that I type from is a ground level view and a dismantled glimpse of how damn neat the things are that just go unseen and unappreciated in my daily human and earthly sense. In this life I see how cool it is that my mom fixed up, operated and glorified this little piece of property we live on. I see how important it is that my brother shed a tear after reading my last post. How crazy it really is that we can count on the planet to be on time all the time (mostly).How if you don't got great friends then you ain't gonna have great memories, and those are the only things that last in this life. I see how ironically wonderful it is to be back in touch with a whole hell of a lot of special people that I hold dearly in my life and how being squeezed into this situation allowed me the avenue to rekindle those relations. How magical and moving the sea is and what it does to my soul every time I think about it. It's not even about surfing anymore, it's about me asking her for forgiveness for all the things I didn't see or do on the days that I was on her shores. I was the weenus who only saw the Shred Zone and not the trees, kelp, sand, crabs, sun, sky, foam, my girlfriend, a magazine, a book, sometimes a sandwich......I see how this thing goes on and on and you can either take it in and fill it up or you can watch it pass by and dream it away. I think I may be having a little trouble self admittedly, on trying to get these pesky words and ill developed profoundings (not a word but it sounds good eh?) out of my weathered head today. I guess the main thing I want to re-iterate to myself and to those who may have given another moment of their life to read this is to slow down, look at the small things, examine the virtue, embrace the simplest moments, learn to be outspoken to the ones you love and most importantly always cherish what you have and where you've been, not what you want and where you're going. My theoretical renderings about being a better person and finding life's key points are on top of my agenda these days, simply because never before in my life have I thought seriously about losing them or losing you. Cheers, Stickman-

Broke the 200 Lb. mark at the doctor yesterday, the only kid to gain fifteen pounds on chemo while still sportin a full head of hair. POW!

Again, It was wonderful to hear all your letters of encouragement and embrace. Seth, Brian, Jelly, Shippy, Mateo, Nick, Devo, Sarah B., Malia, Jamers, Daniel, Erin, Amy, Jess, Andrea,Carina, Carmel, Nathan, Audrey, Remmers, Kim & Roger. It feels sooo great to have you guys with me! Man, I think I just squirt a couple tears..... THanks for stopping by. My email is onefintrim@gmail.com if you wanna......ya know......and stuff.